I was born in 1982 and raised in Huntington, WV (USA). As a child growing up I was not all that sociable rather I turned to poetry as means to express myself.
As the great granddaughter of a God fearing Baptist woman, I learned about God at a young age. I used to spend every other weekend with my great grandmother who was truly the greatest role model of my pre-Muslim life. It was her who had taught me about God's love and mercy, who taught me about the old testament Prophets (may Allah be pleased with them) and who taught me many morals that guided me decently through out my life. My mother was and is a wonderful woman as well, however when I was a child she was not all that into religion as my great grandmother was. Yet I ask Allah to bless my mother for all her hard work because I was not an easy child for her to raise.
As I got older towards my adult years I started following religion very carefully. I had gone some time after my great grandmother's death without attending church until one day when a friend of mine invited me to a pentecostal church, so I went. I have to admit it sounded quiet amusing the idea of a Holly roller church where the people shout and holler and do tons of funny stuff all in the name of religion, so I could not pass up the invitation. After the first time there I was hooked and kept going back, it was just to amusing.
In the 9th grade, the first year of High school in the USA, I had attended public school where I was offered drugs along with other things so not only did I pass it up I begged my mom to put me in a private Christian school and she did, the one right across the street from the pentecostal church, it was a Baptist High School. I had been attending the school for a while before I felt myself drifting back towards the Baptist way of thinking and away from the Pentecostals. I found myself one day sitting in the back of the Pentecostal church watching everyone and realized how silly it all was, the mockery of God and then I felt so guilty for even going there. These people had taken the old Christian religion and tied it with Modern music and tried to have religion both ways, praise "Jesus" and listen to rock like music while jumping around like a bunch of animals... not very Godly at all I thought, so I was out of there and on to the Baptist church where the music was soothing and the people where calm and would actually sit down and listen to a sermon instead of shouting in funny made up sounds that no one understood.
So, after a while at the Baptist church and lots of time studying the Bible, I became a role model that many parents wanted their child to follow. Every year at the Christian school I had gotten the Christian character award. In 1998 I went on a missions trip to Mexico with the youth group to do missions work then the following year I went to the Dominican Republic. After seeing much suffering in these two countries I knew in my heart that I wanted to be a true servant to God but was not sure how, so I decided that I was going to become a missionary for the Baptist Church.
I had just started college after my return from the Dominican Republic when I had set up a meeting to meet with the president of a national missionary agency. He was interviewing me with hopes to send me to a Bible college in Argentina to study to become a missionary where I would then work for his agency. Then my life took a turn, I ended up in a sever car crash which almost took my life. I was traveling to New York from Huntington, West Virgina and all was fine until I reached Morgantown which is an area known for snow during winter time. I was going a bit to fast and the visibility was not well, it was 4am in the morning and I had just finished a test at school that I could not miss the day before, had gone home to sleep a bit then set out for my NY trip, but never got there. I had just called my mom a few moments back then started out again, all of a sudden I could not see. The snow came down to hard out of no where, the road appeared to turn although it didn't, I hit gravel tried to turn my way out when my car whipped around flipping over 2 times into the hill area between the two parts of the highway. I remember thinking back "this is it, please take my soul God and forgive me for my sins", I kept saying this over and over. I walked away from that crash shocked and with just a few little small cuts on my left hand, practically scratches yet the small scares remain there today as my reminders. I was taken away in an ambulance when they asked what happened, I was so shocked I could not remember so the paramedic said "it looks like you flipped it"... I was thinking, "oh no, mom is going to kill me", it was her car by the way. When I arrived to the hospital and finally became more aware of what all was going on and started remembering what had just happened to me I found glass in my hair, in my clothing, in my socks and shoes yet no cuts from it, purely Allah saving me and protecting me. It was not my time to go... Alhumduallah. So, while I was getting a CT the doctor called my mom and told her I had just been in a car accident that she needed to come and see me, that I was getting a CT and at that time all the doctor knew was how bad the accident sounded from the paramedics that he did not take much time to check me out, just an immediate CT. So, mom rushed there on a greyhound bus which dropped her off next to the car impound lot where she had seen the car before coming to see me. She was terrified as she saw all the windows busted out, the sides dented in and scraped up and the roof dinted in a scraped up and the tires where all flat, the only thing that worked on the car was the radio, it was practically dead which is what mom thought I was. She arrived moments later at the hospital to see me sitting up talking to a doctor like nothing had ever happened with some small scratches on my hand... oh she could had killed me... but she didn't but that look she gave could had... she was just really to happy to see me alive and well but her car... umm, well not so well... but Alhumduallah, I was alive and that was the main thing. After that we went home that day.
That was a very scary event in my life that I started really thinking about the path my life was going and if it was really the best way to serve God. If it would be pleasing to God for me, the only child of my then single mother, to leave my mother and go off for years to another country. So, I decided against it and decided I would find some other way to serve God while staying at home.
Then one day a Muslim friend of my friend invited me to go visit Rochester, MN, so I did. It was the path Allah choose for me. I went but before I went I made a trip to the area Christian book store to try and find a book on how to witness to Muslims as I had no clue what Muslims believed, really I didn't and was so naive when it came to religion. Just to give you an idea about how little I knew about the world, if a person came up to me and said they where "Arab" I would say "what is that?" or might had even said "What religion is that?" you see, in history class the only thing I learned was how to sit in the back of the class and move my ears that in fact I got so good at moving my ears I can move them one at a time, like an ear dance. So, I had no clue about different religions, cultures or barely even knew where other countries where on a map... my teacher laughed at me once when I asked her what the flag looks like for Europe and for the longest time I had no clue why she laughed... dummy me. Alhumduallah, now I know these things of course!!! So, anyways in the Christian bookstore I could find no book on how to witness to a Muslim. I had found books on how to witness to basically those of any religions but a Muslim. So, when I got to Rochester, MN I decided the only way I would be able to witness to Muslims is by reading the Quran and finding errors in it so that I could point in it and say "see there, your book is wrong so lets convert you today" but it didn't work that way. I read and read and read and as I read I realized that this is where God had guided me. Oh and I should point out that I had loved Rochester, MN area so much that I decided to stay there and stayed with the agreement that my mother liked the sound of the area and wanted to move out of Huntington, WV.
So, Sunday came around and it was time to find a new church and go to Church. So I went as I had not yet chosen to convert to Islam. Upon walking into the Church I did not feel that peace I had before in the church, that "fake peace" as what I now call it. I went and found a seat as some nice women approached me to welcome me to the church and we chatted then they sat with me for to listen to the sermon. Then it was time to pray so everyone lowered their heads including myself but my eyes where up watching others around me and then it came to the end of the prayer where the preacher said "In Jesus name", something just chocked me, I felt... it wasn't right... never did those words stand out in my head so strongly as if it where a sin, as if it was the worst thing in the world to say when praying to God but that day it did and it really hurt me. I wanted to cry then and there but I kept my smile and acted normal and left the church kindly and as quickly as I could, I had to get out and get air. I walked home and the whole walk I was thinking about the Quran and what all I had been reading as well as some pentathletes I had read about Islam. Then my thoughts went back to what the preacher at my old church had said "all other religions are cults" and "if you ever deny Jesus as the son of God then you will go to Hell", well I didn't want to go to hell.... but still I felt uncomfortable.
Wew, I got home and the first thing I did was pick up my Quran and went back to my room, closed the door and read it. I finished up the Chapter of the Cow and started on the family of Imran where it says in verses 8 through 12:
8. "Our Lord!" (they say), "Let not our hearts deviate now after Thou hast guided us, but grant us mercy from Thine own Presence; for Thou art the Grantor of bounties without measure.
9. "Our Lord! Thou art He that will gather mankind Together against a day about which there is no doubt; for Allah never fails in His promise."
10. Those who reject Faith,- neither their possessions nor their (numerous) progeny will avail them aught against Allah. They are themselves but fuel for the Fire.
11. (Their plight will be) no better than that of the people of Pharaoh, and their predecessors: They denied our Signs, and Allah called them to account for their sins. For Allah is strict in punishment.
12. Say to those who reject Faith: "Soon will ye be vanquished and gathered together to Hell,-an evil bed indeed (to lie on)!
It was in that moment that every word that Christian preacher had said went out the door and in came Allah's words into my heart along with tears of belonging. My fear was gone and I knew what I had to do, the right path to take that Allah was guiding me to, I just had to trust in Allah and his promise.
The next day I went with my friend to the area galleria where I found a Muslim woman in a beautiful Abaya and hijab. I could not help but go up to her and ask her where she bought it from as something inside of me yearned for one. She spoke very little English that she took down my name and phone number and had her husband call me. I told him that I was reading the Quran and was interested in learning about Islam. We set up a time for us to all meet back at the food court at the Galeria where he introduced me to a elder brother from Pakistan. This Pakistani brother got me in touch with a woman who had a B.A. in Islamic studies from Saudi Arabia. This sister invited me over to her home to start learning about Islam.
But there was a problem, I was told by this friend of my friend's that I had to get my mother's permission in order to convert to Islam. My mother was a Baptist like I was so I thought it was going to be a definite "no". I called her up on the phone and told her that I had been studying Islam and that I wanted to convert and that I wanted to ask her permission and to my surprise I did not get a "no" but rather a "wait until I get there before you do anything. She was going to move to Rochester, MN just a few days later and she did. The evening she arrived and after she got settled in I quickly brought up the point that I wanted to convert to Islam. She shocked me by telling me that for the past 7 years she had been studying different religions but had kept it from me because she knew I would disapprove. She said that from all the religions she had studied she found Islam to be the truest and the one she kept going back to. So, she gave me her permission and actually wanted to go with me to meet these New Muslim friends that I had just met at the galleria as well as she went with me to meet with the Sister for the first time who started teaching us about Islam.
After our 2ed meeting with the sister we both agreed that it was time for us to take Shehadah. The sister set up a Shehadah party at her home where she invited several sisters to be our witnesses. She lead mom in reciting the Shehadah first then I was next and their it was, my heart was up in my throat, I was so nervous but I knew I was doing the right thing. It was a beautiful July day back in 2001, so many wonderful sisters around and most of all my mother by my side. I just thank Allah over and over for leading my mother to Islam and for guiding me to Islam as well. I think of so many sisters who have converted to Islam who's mother's don't approve of their conversion or who constantly try to lead them back away from Islam and my heart really goes out to them, each and every one of them and my duas that Allah will help guide their mothers and help ease there suffering in this dunya.
So here I am now, 25 years old with 2 kids and writing Islamic poetry. But I must say, it did take a while to convert my poetry to Islam. I used to write about life in general topics and when I would try to write about Islamic topics I just couldn't do it, Alhumduallah, finally it came along. So, this is why I decided to post up this site to share my poetry with others and my Shahdah story as well. My life has truly been a huge winding path that had many breaking points but every day I am happy and grateful to Allah for guiding me to the straightest path of all which has no breaking point, ISLAM.